MIA

hey you all….
sorry for being MIA right know but
as all of you that are on facebook already know

my mom had a car accident on wednesday! 😦
she’s okay so far, she broke a vertebra (L2)
but thank got it’s nothing too serious!
no surgery needed… just a corsage to keep her spine stable!

that was quite a scare!!
and i actually just don’t know how to deal with this!

she is really hurt, hasn’t had more than an hour of sleep since the accident
and is troubled with bad nausea, thus can’t eat sleep or do anything!!

and i can’t help!!
i want to do something so ease her pain so bad!
i’m just so lost…! i’m anxious and just feared for her well being!!

she’s all i have! she’s not only my mom but my best friend!
and i can’t stand seeing her this hurt!!

i know we have to look at the ‘bright side’!
it could have been so much worse but…
it is so difficult to be positive
when everything around me is kind of falling apart…
i’m struggling so much…
can’t help but either eat crap or not eat at all…

and to tip that all off
i’m badly in love with a 20year older family-man!
we had our office christmas dinner last night and
i just can’t deny it anymore!
we are so in love… and just can’t help ourselves!!
we know it has no future so we contain ourselves the best we can!
but… it’s just so pathetic…
he can make me feel so good and forgett about all my troubles
but of course at the same time there is this voice that tells me
‘this is so wrong and you know it!’
because IT IS!!! i’m pathetic, i’m a such a fool!!

sorry for bothering you all with this….
i’ll just go know…. but to be honest, i don’t know when i’ll be back blogging!
i read your blogs regularly but just can’t come up with thigs to comment!
so please bear with me!

i love you (and of course your blogs!!) all so much
but i just need to figure this all out!

thank you for all the support, the positive comments and nice words!
i am so thankfull for you all being in my life!
i truly wouldn’t be where i am withouth you and
who knows how i’d cope with this situation if i hadn’t been
at a good place for quite some time.

so bye for know….


Bar "kind of" Review Post :)

Hey sweetpies!!!


Thank you sooooooo much for all the comments on my last post!!
I know I always say this, but I’m so grateful!! Can’t even describe it!!

I had a really difficult week.
With feelings all over the place!!
My T told me to start a FoodDiary where I have to write down
– my feelings – my bodyfeeling – my thoughts
everytime BEFORE and AFTER a meal!!

Wow…. Would never have thought that this would be sooo hard!!
I’m used to put my feelings aside or just not feel at all!
So as I said, it was really difficult and rather disturbing!

But I did it! And I will continue to do it, because it is so important for me
to (re)connect with my feelings!!
Not just pretend (and hope) that everything is fine!
It obvious isn’t!

So bare with me, if in the near future my post are a little whacky!

But I have to say that even though I felt like sh*t sometimes,
I haven’t felt this much like ME in a long time!!
No more hiding my feeling
(so much people came to me and asked if everything is ok)
and not being afraid to say “NO I’m not fine”!

Uff…. What a week.
I have a new appointment with my T in about two hours.
Curious what she will say, what this session will reveal!

Alright… On to a happy topic!!
As I posted a few weeks back, I recieved an AWESOME package
from the lovely E and M!
Lots and lots of Bars I (obviously) never had or tried
so I was eager to dive into them!! 😀

First up was the JamFrakas Chocolate Chip Cosmocrisp

Holy YUM!!! WOW!!! I was sooooooooo pleasently surprised with this!!
It is so chocolaty and dense and…… I’m speechless!!
I wish I could eat this everyday for breakfast AND lunch AND dinner!! 😀


Next a LUNA White Chocolate Macadamia

I did not expect lots of it since I don’t really like White Chocolate BUT I liked it!!!
Definitely not my favorite but I love Macadamias and it totally had lots of Macadamias in it!!

My FIRST LARABAR Pistachio

Another WOW!!! I didn’t recall liking pistachios THAT MUCH!!!
I was mmhh-ing the whole time eating this!!
(I even saved half of the bar for a little later, to savour every bit!)
I WILL DEFINITELY TRY AND MAKE THEM MYSELF!!
I even bought unsalted peanuts right the next day!! 😀


CLIF nectar cacao dark chocolate walnut

Do I really need to say that I love chocolate?! And walnuts!?
So…. Needless to tell you that I enjoyed this one too!!
Every bite…
(I really tend to take very itty little bites when I like something really much!)
…wish it would not have ended…!


Last (until now) but most definitely NOT least
CLIF Spiced Pumpkin Pie

This one was another one I did not know what to expect.
After trying Pumpkin-Oats and not really liking it too much I hesitated a little.
With NO REASON at all!!
It was a little too big for me to eat in one sitting (befor a workout) so I split it!
And I’m glad I did… Because even though I TRULY like it! The flavours were a little much for me!
So I think by splitting it I had the chance to really enjoy it without getting sick of it!!

Once again THANK YOU TWO SO MUCH for all the bars!!
I have plenty Bars left to try (and can’t wait!)
but I try to only have one a day and only as a pre-workout!
This way they may last a little longer…! ;D

I hope you all had a great week (already read all about it on your incredible blogs)
and a wonderful weekend (will read about this in a bit)
and wish you a fabulous new week!!

Make every day a good one
and
do everything the best you can!!


EDIT:
Go over to Iowa Girl Eats and take a look at THIS awesome Giveaway!!

Much LOVE


France Recap Part Three

Hey all of you beautiful, caring and just awesome readers!!!

First I NEED and want to say thank you to all the commenters!!
Trust me, if I say that you keep me sane on most days, that’s no exaggeration!!

To be quite honest, I’m feeling really down lately….!
Don’t know exactely why… Just blah! Of course I have some ideas what could cause this but… I don’t want to get into it! I need to just concentrate on the future, on positive stuff, on people who care and it will all be ok!
Although I think this might be a big part of it.
Me always kind of pretending that I’m OK, that everything is fine and nothing is bothering me!
My T kindly referred to me as some kind of ‘Dr. Jackel and Ms. Hide’… Not so wrong if you ask me!
But… As I said, don’t want to get into it here!
You all have enough to deal with and I am so proud of all of you about how you do it!!

On to the good stuff!! 😀

But as the title says here I have FINALLY the last but definitely no least part of my recap!
The house and everything around it!!
Even though I’m not a big fan of France – the people, the language, I fell totally in love with the house and especially the silence of the place.
I would love to spend time with each and every one of you there!!! You all are very welcome ther, in case you’re in ‘the neighborhood’ sometime! Just so you know!

I’m not going to write much… Just let the pics speak for themselves!

























this is the same one as above… just one day later!




Again…. Thank you VERY VERY MUCH for each word you write to me!!
It remindes me to stay strong and just go on!!

And (even if they’ll never read this) I want to thank my two amazing bosses
who would just do almost anything for me
(and of course I have always the feeling to not be as grateful as I should be!)
and two ‘kind-of’ co-workers (or I’d like to say they’re FRIENDS!)
BEAT (my ‘secret love’…) and ELLI
they just keep me sane around here…
Always try to lift my spirits when they feel like something’s wrong,
without forcing me to speak about it!

Have a wonderful day everyone and as I always say
and will try myself today
MAKE IT A GOOD ONE!!

Holiday Recap Part Two

Here we go… Sorry for the delay!!
I just have a lot of work and since I do all the blogging from work… You get it!

I decided to post all the food pics first and then the house and all the fall impressions!
Hope you enjoy it…. 😉 I clearly did!!
I told my mother recently that I food-blog!
And she was way cute and even reminded me a few time to take pictures!!
She’s just awesome!!

The pics are chronological from Saturday to Saturday! 😉


saturday after arriving I heated some leftovers I brough with me
[cheese, wine, bread and butter for my mom! ;)]

brussel sprouts and some pumpkin/squash dish along with an easy over egg

my breakfasts were always (almost) the same
banana-goji-oatmeal with apples (or pear or quince) some almond slivers (or pine nuts) and cranberries

delicious until the very last bite!!


my mom had some of my oatmeal everyday
alongside with one or two slices bread with jam or cheese
(and coffee for her!)

on sunday we went to a beautiful market
and look what I found!!!
the eggplant and sp are almost the size of my head!! and the mini carrot like my smalest finger!! 😀

from here on I don’t clearly remember when we had what but of course I remember what we had!! 😉
a deliciouse Whiting fish filet fresh from the market on sunday
with a carrot-leek-cream side and quinoa

here we have my moms favorite lentil dish
lentils cooked with carrots and some other vegetable I don’t know how it is called in english
along with lots of quinoa and a sidesalad (greens with tomatoes and an easy balsamic sauce)

this is only HALF of the tatter!!! about 12oz!

I had them as fries with eggplant chips but have to say I didn’t like them at all!!
but I think it was more the eggplant itself as it was quite bitterly

another pic of my daily breakfast
this time in the beautiful morning sunlight

chicken breast with a side of quinoa (the last time I think!)
garlic-zucchini (awesome by the way!!) and boiled tomato

since I didn’t mind for the eggplant chips last time
I just cooked the other half with some zucchinis
to have with my deliciouse sp fries! and tons of ketchup of course!
[had to buy it first so hadn’t had any the first time!! :(( ]

last but definitely not least
a super delicious small pork chop
with steamed carrots and leek and
my favorite way to eat potatoes
pan roasted – holy YUM!!

That’s what we eat during the last week!
There wasn’t a lot of snacking in between but sadly I had a little set back with the mini-binges
in the evening…. Only the last few days but I was really annoyed by myself!!
I was doing soooo good!!

So it took my by surprise to see that when I stepped on the scale on this Tuesday
I actually lost a little!! WOW! Came unexpected but I was clearly pleased!

Don’t wanna get into that…. But I have to say I’m doing quite good at the moment!

Thank you for the nice comments
and for all the nice words on Facebook too!!

I’m really THANKFUL for all you guys!!
(Had to say something even though we don’t have Thanksgiving here and I’m a little late!!)

As always…. Have a wonderful day and just make the best out of all the minutes and situations!!

Big Hug

‘Working’ in France

Here I am with my first (of two?!) part of the ‘Holiday-Series’ 😀

I don’t know if I mentioned that we not only have a house in France (two hours south of Paris)
but it stands on a huuuuuuge property (don’t know if there is another word for it!)
so there is always lots to do!

First there are all the fruit (and nut) trees!
A few month ago my mom went there with a few friends to pick
the best Boscop Apples and awesome Pears.
But right now it’s Quince-Time!

And we have a beautiful Quince-Tree




What you can see here is only what’s left on the tree but the ground was covered with good and not so good fallen Quinces. So we sorted through them, cleaned the ground unterneath and picked or shook down the Quinces from the tree! It was really fun! I even had to climb up once to pick some that where hard to reach.

Look at one of our baskets full of beautiful Quince


with their funny furry skin! 😀


And what else did we do than cook them (only a small part of our harvest)

jam, marmalade, compote

this actually is all we did (there are some apple and pear compotes too)
and we could have done much more! this is only one and a half day of work!!


And THIS is what we took home!!!! The whole car smelled like one huuuuuge Quince!
I love the smell but after driving seven hours it gets kind of annoying!!
But of course we survived!! 😀



Next up: Leaves.
I had a lot of fun doing some yard work
[and had to think of Ang and Kath while doing it! 😉 ]


Lots and lots of loose leaves to take care of!


Smile for the camera!! 🙂


And this is how it looked hours later.



The next day I only needed to pick them all up and bring them all the way to the back of the next pic where we have our compost (sp?).


As I said it was lots of work, but I enjoyed every second!
I think it’s so much nicer to do things when you don’t ‘have to’!
I could start and stop whenever I wanted and how long I fancied!

Stay tuned for the next installment! 😀
Don’t know if it will be FOOD or FALL Impressions!
We will see….. 😀

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Lots of LOVE!!

What an Welcome-Home Gift!!

Well hello everyone!!!

I’m back, as you can see!! 😉

Don’t have much time to post unfortunately but I’m really excited that we have so much work here! We’re getting out of our funk as it seems!! And soon we well be flooded with work and that’s a good thing, after having almost nothing to do the past few month!! So yay for working long days!! I just love this office and enjoy every minute spend here!! ;D

But unfortunately this means fewer time to read all your lovely blogs (and I accumulated a lot of blogs over the past few month!!) and not as much to post about! But I’ll manage!!

First things first…. As you can guess from the title I was greated with an awesome package yesterday as I returned and took a look into my mailbox!!

lots and lots of deliciouse bars – can’t wait to try each and every one!!
chia seeds!!! YAYYY!!! and a Justin’s Squezze pack
and of course the cutest card imaginable – a few tears were rolling down my cheek
but of course with the biggest smile on my face!

The most lovely, big-hearted and beautiful twins I know had send me some awesome stuff!!!
I really could not think about a better Welcome-Home gift!!!

Thank you soooooooooo much Eliza and Maya!!
I even tried the Luna WCM right away and have to say, even though I’m not a fan of white chocolate, I enjoyed every bite of the half I tried!! Can’t wait to have the other half!!
I really have no words on how grateful I am to be recieving such lovely things!!
And I really hope that you will finally get my package soon!!! It’s already three weeks!! That’s just unacceptable!!

I have a JamFrakas Chocolate Chip Cosmocrips laying in front of me and I’ll eat it as my pre-workout snack!

About my holidays – they where perfect!! Eating could have been better but who cares right?!
I’ll do a few posts over the course of this week about last week – hope you’ll enjoy them!!

Have a wonderful day everyone!
And again – THANK YOU so much my loves!!


Big hug –

Weekly Update and Holidays

Hey my lovely pumpkins!!

Sooooo sorry for being MIA lately!! I’m a really bad blogger lately!
But as I mentioned in my last post, I really do eat almost the same everyday and
nothing interesting is happening around here, so…. Little reason to post…
And since I’m a little lost for words lately – doesn’t help much!

I just wanted to let you all know that I’m (semi) OK and even though I’m eating too little
(and the damn scale is not bulging!! How can this be?!!!)
I eat enough for the moment! Even my T said so!
So everything is fine!

Ballet and Jazz is going great!! I feel like I am making so much progress!
Giving up a little controll to maintain the “lightness” of ballet and to let my moves be smoother in Jazz!
I just loooooooooove my teacher so much!! Can’t even put this into words!
I’m so happy to have found her! I’m certain that I would not be dancing if it weren’t for her!

Hope all of you had a good week?!
I know E and M are doing much better!! And I’m so proud of them!
Karina is putting a smile on my face with each post
and Rebecca (found her blog recently) is inspiring me so much to question and reevaluate!
Thank you soo much for all your posts!! For sharing your story!! It really makes me stronger
and feeling less alone in all of this!!


I don’t know if I mentioned this in an earlier post
but I’m away the next week!
We are going to spend a week in our house in France! YAY!!
We have to pick our Quinces before they go mad!
I love to spend time there! It is so quiet and calm!
And I have a huge room for myself to practice ballet and jazz!! YAY!!
I’m going with my mom and a friend of hers! It will be fun!

So no updates [as if that is new 😉 ] until next monday!
Have a wonderful week and I look forward in reading all your lovely posts when I return!
I have to say that is the only thing I’m not so happy about…
Not being able to read all your posts for so long!! But I’ll manage!! 😛

Here are a few recent eats, so that this isn’t a text-only post and to give you a little color!! 😀

Jenn inspired me (with her latest post) to this lovely dinner on Tuesday!!

pre-workout snack (wednesday if I remember correctly)



pm-snack/pre-workout – half at work

the other half on my walk to practice
And a little more fall colors 😉

even though it was wet

it looked really beautiful – no sound when walking trough the leaves though 😦

EDIT: After posting this, I read the ever amazing Karina‘s new post and discovered that I was taged to contribute to Maggie’s Truth Week, which I find is an awesome thing!!

So about my bit of Truth (where should I start?!):

I grew up learning to put everyone else before me!
My dad committed suicide when I was merely at the age of 7,
thus I always thought that I needed to help my mom and not burden her with anything else
and this started a cycle I have jet to come out of!
I don’t blame her entirely for this even though she might have given me the urge to do this undeliberately.
[I have no idea if this mad sense at all, sorry for that!]
I am learning to put myself first but it’s not an easy task.

I’m tagging E and M today [I don’t remember if they posted one already and sorry if so. But as far as I know every day there is a new reason to post one ;)]
And to end this the right way, please take a look at the OCCK-post! Thank you for reading! 😉


All my love to all of you!!! :*

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