Back — Finally

Whewww… That was an unexpected long break!!!
I’m so sorry for that!!
It wasn’t planed but – to be quite honest – it was relieving and I totally needed it!!

Nonetheless I’m so glad to be back!!
Hope you are too?! πŸ˜‰

Well how are you?! How have you been?!

Where do I start?!
Actually I’d like to mention Rebecca here first! Because she is the reason I do this post!
Or at least she was the last push I needed to finally find the courage to write again!
I need to say here that I am really intimidated by all your fabulous writing!!
I wish I would be able to articulate myself like you do!
But I know that it isn’t important how many words I use or if they are fancy or not! The important thing is that I really enjoy interacting with you all and I really care for all of you. At the same time this is the reason why it takes so long for me to do a post! I overthink and overanalyse everything, every word, every sentence!!
I just NEED to STOP this!! And I think I’m on the right way!

Alright… Where have I been?! What was I doing?! You might ask yourself.
The answer is: Nothing!
Ok that’s not quite the truth, of course I’ve been doing lots and have been here and there! But it really doesn’t feel like i did! It’s like I didn’t LIVE in the first few month of this year and just existed!
And I’m just about to finally wake up and get going again! I’m eager to move on!! And ready for it!

It was an exhausting time even though I didn’t do much (aside from my dancing and eating way to much!!) and mentally draining! I was in a bad place!! Constantly doubting myself and ‘feeling fat’! I know… FAT isn’t a feeling but I was so consumed by my body (how it felt, looked and how my clothes fit)!!
I of course restricted (or better tried to) and therefore binged not long after!!
What a vicious cycle I know way too well.

But I got out!! I pulled through!!
I’m steadily loosing again (and for those of you who don’t know, I’m NOT and nowhere near underweight so that’s a good thing!!) and am happy with my life at the moment!!

I’m happy with my dancing, (I finally got rid of the pain in my calf!! It seems to be healed aside from some soreness now and then) I’m making progress!
Finally being able to do pointe again!!! Looking forward to the play we are having in June – of course I’m nervous and afraid of failure but right now the excitement and eagerness to become better overtake the negative feelings!!
Jazz is making a lot more sense to me and I start to really enjoy movements I really loathed for a long time!!

What else?! Oh right… On the ‘food-front’ I did a lot of experimenting!
Of course AFTER I pulled myself out of the rut I was in the first few month of 2010!
Lot’s of veggie-lunches, salads and almond butter-yogurts there!
I finally dried a Green Monster!! WOW!! Why did I wait so long?! (Maybe because we don’t have as much fresh spinach here in Switzerland in winter?! And now there is lots of spinache everywhere!! Even organic one!! YAY!!)
I had one every day the first week I tried it!!! And now it’s my to-go recovery meal for dance nights (Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I have ballet and/or jazz) and I AM IN LOVE!!! So much variation!

Furthermore I am acually experimenting with new meals!!
It really helped that the temperatures dropped again (even though I really enjoyed the nice weather and low 70s) and it’s rainy and cold here! That way I fancy warm meals! And I discover my passion for comming up with new creations! So glad!! What a joy to just try!!

Oh and I finally (lots of finally’s in this post!! Sorry!) made homemade Larabars – NicBars! ;D
Soooo good!!
The first time I did them I overwhelmed myself because I couldn’t settle for just two or three flavors
– I had to do FIFE (cashew cookie, pistachio, coconut, lime, tropical)!!!
Now I’m down to my TREE favorites (tropical, coconut and coconut&cacao),
which I’m doing over and over again! Such a great pre-workout snack!!

And here we are!!!
Lots of words (and no pics, sorry!!) later, I’m still living! JK πŸ˜‰
I am so glad I took the step and did this post!! I actually planned on doing just a draft and then come back later to add stuff but I just couldn’t stop writing!! And even though I don’t have any pictures here (my camera is at home and I didn’t to lots of photografing the last few month!) I am going to push that PUBLISH button right know!!

I’ll be back!! With pictures of the NicBars and GreenMonsters!! Promise!!
I hope I still have some readers!!

And my apologizes again for being AWOL for so long!! But I just needed the break apparently!

Thanks for reading!! And thanks for all the comments I got through Facebook and such!!
You all are just amazing!!

Have a wonderful day/night whathever it is where you are!!

Lots and lots of love!!


Advertisements

Weekly Update and Holidays

Hey my lovely pumpkins!!

Sooooo sorry for being MIA lately!! I’m a really bad blogger lately!
But as I mentioned in my last post, I really do eat almost the same everyday and
nothing interesting is happening around here, so…. Little reason to post…
And since I’m a little lost for words lately – doesn’t help much!

I just wanted to let you all know that I’m (semi) OK and even though I’m eating too little
(and the damn scale is not bulging!! How can this be?!!!)
I eat enough for the moment! Even my T said so!
So everything is fine!

Ballet and Jazz is going great!! I feel like I am making so much progress!
Giving up a little controll to maintain the “lightness” of ballet and to let my moves be smoother in Jazz!
I just loooooooooove my teacher so much!! Can’t even put this into words!
I’m so happy to have found her! I’m certain that I would not be dancing if it weren’t for her!

Hope all of you had a good week?!
β™₯ β™₯ I know E and M are doing much better!! And I’m so proud of them!
β™₯ Karina is putting a smile on my face with each post
β™₯ and Rebecca (found her blog recently) is inspiring me so much to question and reevaluate!
Thank you soo much for all your posts!! For sharing your story!! It really makes me stronger
and feeling less alone in all of this!!


I don’t know if I mentioned this in an earlier post
but I’m away the next week!
We are going to spend a week in our house in France! YAY!!
We have to pick our Quinces before they go mad!
I love to spend time there! It is so quiet and calm!
And I have a huge room for myself to practice ballet and jazz!! YAY!!
I’m going with my mom and a friend of hers! It will be fun!

So no updates [as if that is new πŸ˜‰ ] until next monday!
Have a wonderful week and I look forward in reading all your lovely posts when I return!
I have to say that is the only thing I’m not so happy about…
Not being able to read all your posts for so long!! But I’ll manage!! πŸ˜›

Here are a few recent eats, so that this isn’t a text-only post and to give you a little color!! πŸ˜€

Jenn inspired me (with her latest post) to this lovely dinner on Tuesday!!

pre-workout snack (wednesday if I remember correctly)



pm-snack/pre-workout – half at work

the other half on my walk to practice
And a little more fall colors πŸ˜‰

even though it was wet

it looked really beautiful – no sound when walking trough the leaves though 😦

EDIT: After posting this, I read the ever amazing Karina‘s new post and discovered that I was taged to contribute to Maggie’s Truth Week, which I find is an awesome thing!!

So about my bit of Truth (where should I start?!):

I grew up learning to put everyone else before me!
My dad committed suicide when I was merely at the age of 7,
thus I always thought that I needed to help my mom and not burden her with anything else
and this started a cycle I have jet to come out of!
I don’t blame her entirely for this even though she might have given me the urge to do this undeliberately.
[I have no idea if this mad sense at all, sorry for that!]
I am learning to put myself first but it’s not an easy task.

I’m tagging E and M today [I don’t remember if they posted one already and sorry if so. But as far as I know every day there is a new reason to post one ;)]
And to end this the right way, please take a look at the OCCK-post! Thank you for reading! πŸ˜‰


All my love to all of you!!! :*

All kind of eats and a Birthday…

Long time no read…. I apologize!!

It was an eventless week – hence the lack of posting!!
But I’m going to start with Sunday – My Birthday YAY!

It was good… Good enough! For me anyways as I don’t like to much going on around me!!
I had a leisure morning with an amazing breakfast:

can you guess how old I’m now?! πŸ˜‰ [I hope KERF isn’t too jealous ;)]

Had a date with my mom πŸ˜€ She invited me to see a ballet choreographed from our talented SpΓΆrrli – Raymonda
After we went home (to my mom’s) and she cooked for me!
Of course I had to make my own “cake”! And I have to say they were awesome!!
I have to link to the recipes!! Sooooo good and healthy and low calorie!!! Awesome!!

the big ones are banana-coconut and the little ones chocolate-orange

I did only half of each recipe and changed the cake into mini-cupcakes and the bars into muffins.
they were divine!!

On thursday I enjoyed an amazing fall-walk home with all its beauty!




I just loooooove the fall colors!!! β™₯ β™₯ β™₯

On to the eats. I had lots of same-old same-old! But it’s soo good I’m not getting tired of it!!
Though I’m going to leave the peppers and zucchini behind me, since it’s a summer vegetable!
And add a few winter vegetables to my lunches…

Various breakfasts – each day almost the same:




Oh what I forgott to mention, last sunday we sent to a fall market (I think I wrote about it in my last post)
and I found Maca powder!!! Couln’t believe my eyes!! And purchased Maca Capsules which I’m taking now each day with my breakfast! Don’t feel a difference but if I do, I’ll tell you instantly! πŸ˜‰

Lunch at work is always veggies with (or without) avocado, cottage cheese and seeds.


Snacks before Yoga or Ballet/Jazz:




And dinner usually contained some Soup:

love love love love homemade pumpkin soup!! made a new batch on saturday and can’t wait until tonight to have some!!

Saturday:

breakfast was heavenly

lunch was the same as above but in a tupper and eaten at my moms.
had this as dinner after spending hours in the kitchen baking and cooking!!! πŸ˜€ love days like this!

I had another Therapy session today! Went well…. Lots to talk about, lots to learn and relearn!
I’m still very glad I choose this T and I’m looking forward to the hours spend with her! Even though I know there will be tears and lots of struggling! But I know that is was I need and it will be worth it!!

Now…. I want to thank here all the beautiful ladies who congratulated me on facebook!!! Thank you so much!! You really mean the world to me!! And even if I repeat myself a lot, but I know I wouldn’t be where I am now withough all of you!! All your blogs and comments inspire and strengthen me so much!!!
I’m endlessly thankful for all of this!!

Have a wonderful day!! And make every minute worth it!!


PS: If there is anything you would like to know about me, just ask away! I’m happy to answer!

(Not so) Quick Update ;)

I just want to let all of you beautifuls know that my appointment went very well!!

I’m so glad I did this!! Couldn’t have done it withough all of you and my best friend!!

Thank you so much for supporting me in this and even pushing me to do so!! And of course thanks for sharing your stories!! This made it so much easier, to know I have a bunch of people believing in me – that I’m doing the right thing!!


I totally lucked out with this T! She is truly amazing – we clicked instantly! It was so relieving to talk to someone without being lookt at like a lunatic or like they think “just stop! just like yourself”!! To talk to her and see in her eyes that she knows and understands what I was telling her!! We made a new appointment and I’ll start single therapy with her and she strongly suggested a Nutritionis for me, but we will discuss this next time! Until then I have a little questionnaire to fill out and start with a food diary!

I’m not too happy with the diary part, because right know I definitely don’t eat enough (sorry for mentioning this and sorry if this is triggering!!) and I’m not sure if I just give it to her like it is, or if I’ll tweak it a little! But I don’t want to start our “thing” with lies!! The first time I don’t have to lie about food, how it makes me feel, my weight and how gaining all this weight back is super upsetting for me!! So we’ll see! I still have time to think about it – no appointment until (a day after my birthday!!) the 9th.


Alright! Enough doctor-talk! πŸ˜‰ Onto the good stuff!!


Even though I didn’t eat to much the last few days, I definitely had some deliciouse things!!

Tuesday was veeeeeeeeeery bad!!! Had quite the binge!! And I finally swore that this was THE LAST EVER!!!

I just can’t do this anymore!!!

But to start at the beginning – day went well, as always. Did not go to Yoga because my mom had other obligations and I planned to go and donate blood for a few weeks and since Tuesday is the only day I can go I thought I took the plunge. Walked there in the beautiful fall weather!!

Everything went fine even though my blood pressure was a little low (99/64) as always!

breakfast: half a cup muesli, an apple, a kiwi and lots of cinnamon and flax
lunch: lots of veggies (orange bell pepper, zucchini, cauliflower, cherry tomatoes)
with 1/3 cup cottage cheese and paprika
dessert a little later: granola bar with orange dark chocolate
pre-donation: a sliced apple, babybel and curry cashews
the beautiful cemetery I walked through!
a little halloween feeling πŸ˜‰
it was such a nice fall afternoon – the pic doesn’t do it justice!
dinner (I was given after donating): ww kind-of-bagle with a little cream cheese and pate, orange juice on the side
didn’t eat the toblerone – took it with me though!
proof πŸ˜‰
thank god everything goes smoothly every time!! I like the thought of helping someone with my blood!! πŸ˜€
and like I said! everything went downhill – once again but this time was THE LAST TIME!!!
this is about 1/5 of what I ate (not everything sweet and nut just this times five!!)


Wednesday was alright!! Day was kind of slow and I was glad once the clock turned 4.30pm so I could go to the post office to finally receive my English Certificate!! YAY! And then head to my ballet and jazz practice!! Went really well! My teacher checked my point shoes and told me that I could practice in them for a while, but they are a little to soft for me (they are second-hand) and I’ll have to buy my own soon – which is totally ok for me!! Can’t wait until Monday to start practice at class with them!!

breakfast; 1/3 cup muesli, half an apple, half a kiwi and 1/3 of a small banana
with lots of cinnamon and flax – some magnesium/calcium tablets
small portion of my quinoa and veggies
about 1/3 cup quinoa tops, orange pepper, zucchini, cauliflower and cherry tomatoes
1/3 cup cottage cheese, paprika and topped with a little seed mix
pre-workout/dinner: half of this peanut&oat TREK bar – totally delicious!!!!
and a babybel – had one cup skim milk after dance (unpictured)


Thursday was interesting to say the least! More on the go than in the office. πŸ™‚

My T-app. at 8am – back in the office at 9.30am, worked straight though until 3pm when I had to leave to drive 1,5h to pick up my nieces (they had some kind of pre-evaluation for their jobs), drive back and drop them at the barne they work! Not to much traffic thank god but still very busy and tiring! Finally home at 9pm!

breakfast (part1) at 8am before my appointment
awesome stats!! It was interesting!
Since I’m still not used to the ginger taste in something sweet, the first bite was kind of not so good,
but the longer I chewed and ate – the better it got! πŸ˜€
breakfast (part2) at 11am was the same as on wednesday
here pre mixing
here post-mixing so you can see what I had in there! πŸ˜‰
late lunch at 2.30pm was a delicious quick soup (veggy and potato/leek)
on top of my work πŸ˜‰
I drove into the sunset!! beautiful colors!!
on the road I hade some (unpictured) crackers and the other half of the TRAK peanut&oat bar

So yeah!! This is it!! My Not-So-Quick update!! Hadn’t planned to write so much (like usual) so I just changed my title a little!! πŸ˜‰


Hope all of you had a (better) good time and why don’t you tell me about your favorite day so far this week?! When and why?! πŸ˜‰


Have a wonderful day everyone!!


Hug

Bottomless Pit

Wonderful morning to everyone!
My morning begun with a wonderful blue sky and (a little later) was greeted with sunshine!!
I love mornings like this! And in the fall it’s kind of macigal!! πŸ˜‰

But I need to write about yesterday not today!!
I like Mondays – unlike the majority of humans!
It might have to do with someone named B (who works in my office) and with my ballet-class in the evening to which I look forward all day (do I need to lookout for more B-words?! πŸ˜€ )!! And this Monday was not different!!
Flirted a little in the early morning – and since we aren’t supposed to do that it’s a lot more exciting!! πŸ˜€
And enjoyed a nice breakfast around 8.30am (I usually make my b-fast around 7am and wait until 8-8.30am because otherwise I’m hungry again a little too early and this way my muesli has time to soak!)

about half a cup ww muesli soaked in water – half an apple, a kiwi, about a tbsp pb chocolate dreams topped with flax
(I had to take a pic before mixing it up – this way it looks soo much nicer!!)
The morning went by fast even though I don’t have much to do at the moment! But I had enough time to catch up with all your lovely blogs (since I hadn’t had time on sunday) and enjoyed all of your posts!! That is another reason why I looove Mondays!! ;D
lunch: approx. 1/4 cup quinoa, yellow pepper, zucchini, cauliflower
added cherry tomatoes after I took the pic and mixted in cottage cheese and topped it as usual with a seeds and nuts-mix
kind of dessert an hour after lunch – granola bar


An uneventful afternoon later I approached 4pm and had my early kind of dinner befor my ballet class at 5.20pm:
two ww cracker with a tartar (something like philadelphia) and chicken
on the side a babybell and for dessert a dark chocolate covered granola bar – which is awesome by the way!! sadly it has too much bad ingedients!


After an exhausting but awesome ballet class I came home craving someting salty:

I just prepared myself a little quick (instant) soup and had milk on the side
I had another mug later with chocolate

After my ballet class earlier I asked my teacher what she thought about me starting to dance “en pointe” and as awesome as she is, she just gave me some pointe shoes to try on and told me that she is absolutely sure that I would do great and that my feet would be strong enough and to say it (kind of) in her words “it would be fun!”
YAAAAAAYYYY!!!!
You can’t imagine how excited I was!!!! So after I showered I just had to try them on!!
And surprisingly they fit perfectly!!! She forgot to give me the pattings for them but since I plan on buying a pair of my own for my birthday (coming up soon on the 11/08) I did not care!
sorry for the overload on pics, but I just couldn’t get enough!! ;D
I probably didn’t do it right, but I just wanted to know how it feels like to stand ‘en pointe’ (of corse I hold on to my barre)
and it was unbelievable!! I can’t wait to start practice in them!!
I have no idea why but I was craving sweet and salty really bad so I had a (not so little) snack
count this times two or even three!!
sporting the point-shoes!! yay!!!
Of course I had to think about Jee from to dance among the stars… the whole time!!! πŸ˜€
I will stop now, I’m a little dissapointet at how much I ate after “dinner” but that was yesterday and know I try to do better today!!
Hope all of you had a wonderful Monday – or even an OK one!! πŸ˜‰
Wish you a joyful and sunny Tuesday!!!

Lots of hugs and positiv energy to all of you!!