Blah ****

I don’t understand, how I can land so deep in this hole after such amazing weeks!!?!

It’s just annoying!! I don’t know what so think let alone write!!
I know you all are probably sick of reading how everyone struggles, especially me… As I’m not even sick or have anything to complain!
I’m at a healthy weight (more in the upper range than I’d like!) and have so much good things around me! And nonetheless I’m beating myself up about this damn disorder!!!
The more I’d like to finally loose those pounds, the more I crave!! The more I give in! And the more miserable I become!!! It is sooooo depressing!!
I really hope that once my normal dance schedule started again, it will be easier… Not sitting around on my to big butt and thinking about food!!
Acutally I know that I should stop reading all your awesome bloggs, because I think enough about food without reading about it, but I just can’t stop, I don’t want to stop!
Damn…. Why oh why did I let it come so fare!! I’m disgusted about my stomage flab more than anything!! It’s not too much but just enough to keep me on the edge of my seat about it, I always “see” it… On one side I think I just see what’s not here but I know I’ve gotten a little “round” so to speak!! And it bothers me more than I’d like or than I’d ever would admit!!
I have noone to talk about this, noone knows how much I really struggle whit this sh*t! And I’m not sure if even I get how deep I’m in this!!
Here I go again… A pitty post… Great! But I really don’t know where to turn. I know you all are annoyed by everyone writing about all that negativity and…. As much as I appear to be positive all the time… It’s just a facade, so I don’t have to explain, as I know noone would understand!!
I have an obese co-worker and this does not make it easyer… Damn… I’m sorry, I don’t know what I’m ‘talking’ about, my thoughts are so all over the place I just need to get some out!!
Whatever… Sorry for bothering you with all this. I might update later on a lighter note. But can’t promise anything!!
If you read through all this, you really deserve some gold medal or something! Thank you and again… Sorry for this rant!!
Hugs
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