(bad but sunny) sunday

i don’t even know what to write. i’m so caught up with those fat-feelings, i can’t even think anything else than not eat. and this leads to thinking what i should eat which ends in eating way too much!!! i just can’t handle this!! i don’t want to be constantly reminded of how fat i feel (and having no loose pants anymore does certainly not help!!)! i don’t want to think about food, what to eat next, or better trying to think what i could eat so it fills me up but to consume little calories as possible. it is destroying me!! and my ability to live and interact with other people. i just don’t know how to stop it!!! and i desperately want to stop, stop the thoughts but not the weight-loss (which is not happening at the moment 😥 ). and i think this is the main problem! i know i’m nowhere near overweight but i feel like an elephant. damn my head is spinning… again.

enough of this sh**. do not want to annoy YOU (but apparently no one is even reading this, so why should i even bother) with all this damn thoughts.
here a short version of yesterday’s food:
  
breakfast: berry oats (delicious!!); a.m. snack: apple, rice-cake with (almond)butter; late lunch: potato-leek dish with (not pictured) little snippets sausage
all well ’till i got home (was spending my afternoon at my moms, taking a walk and studying english) :/
  
dinner: salad with hummus and cottage cheese; late snack (only the first of too many): yogurt with berries, agave nectar and coconut shreds
after i took the snack-pic and blended it all together it was far too runny so i mixed in granola, after that i ate dried fruit, rice-cake with (almond)butter and other things. it just got out of control once again. of course it was not as bad as it could have been, at least i had no refined sugars or any sugar (aside from fruit-sugar). but i certainly hat too much!
on that note… i hope this week will be better, trying to have things in moderation or not at all (things i know tend to lead to eating too much) and i’m looking forward to the week afterward, where i’m at our house in france with my mom and other people and when i’m around people i tend to eat as little as possible. don’t exactly know why, but don’t care. so the next weeks will hopefully be good… i so desperately want to loose this weight i gained since introducing myself to this “healthy-lifestyle” (which i totally love!)! but i’m not using my scale anymore so i measure with how loose my clothes become (hopefully soon!!).
have a nice day everyone!! at least a better one than i had.
love
swiss-girl
ps: at least i got a good amount of exercise over the weekend! (sunday: calisthenics at home and we took an (maybe more than) hour long walk in the afternoon.
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